Immature - that's what I am and will always be apparently

Last weekend I had the pleasure of entertaining an old English friend of 35 years that I used to work with. I grilled some chicken, peppers, onions and mushroom kebabs while preparing some baked potatoes in the oven. It was my number 2 meal that I can prepare, it’s relatively easy to cook and if I may say so quite tasty.

My friend an me worked together for 4 years or so but we developed a friendship that will last a lifetime, actually there was about 10 of us working in the same office and a group of 5 continue to be in some kind of contact. Sadly one of our guys has just died of heart related issues and it’s been a difficult time even though we have been separated by time and oceans.

Interestingly my friends oldest son works no more than 5 miles away from my own office. This is the second time that we’ve spent a couple of evenings together and this time I was able to meet his youngest son. Now I only need to meet his daughter to complete my introduction to his entire family. My friend has the nickname of Buzz, a long time ago I was in TJ Max and discovered a replica team jersey of some kind of team called Buzz. I bought the shirt and sent it to my friend in England. It was quite a shock to see Buzz wearing that shirt when he came to visit me.

Since I’m destined to be the end of my particular line of the Jobson family I find my reaction to spending time with any “complete” family interesting. At one point I thought I’d be really jealous, in fact I used to avoid spending time with other family’s but as time has passed this reaction has changed and these days I’m so happy that I get to see my friend enjoy his family and the prospect of it expanding in the future. As a young man I would have expected that I’d be jealous of my friends because they had a son or in this case sons but these days I’m able to see the bigger picture and understand that my life is just different. Not worse or better but just different.

Today I find myself enjoying the company of my friends and their children, I’m able to joke around without the constraints of traditional family hierarchy. Last weekend I was able to have fun watching Buzz interacting with his wife and two boys, we had a great evening talking about the past, the present and the future. Time passed so quickly and I was quite sad to see them leave.

One of the stories Buzz told was about a conversation we had 35 years ago in our office, he remembered that one of the older members of our team had listened to something I’d said and made the comment that in when I’d matured in 5 or 6 years I’d see things differently. Buzz ending the story with “and now we’re here and you’re an immature 59 year old! Of course everybody laughed, non-more so than myself but deep down inside me a button had been pressed.

Way back then it wouldn’t have been the first time that someone had called me immature, I never really understood why I had been given this label. I was 22, married, buying a house with a mortgage, completed 5 years learning a trade, owned a car, no credit card debt, I had moved from my home town to work in Cheltenham and had a job with some responsibility. In short I was doing everything a man should do, what part of that was immature? I’ve always enjoyed a good laugh, I’m no stand-up comedian but way back then before a glass was half full or half empty I always had the gift of being able to enjoy life. That’s not to say that my life hasn’t been without disappointment, rejection, hurt and failures but I’d try and get through life’s challenges with a positive attitude.

I think that people didn’t and don’t see me suffer, perhaps they see a carefree whippersnapper while they were going through life feeling the weight of the entire world on their shoulders. Little did they know that beneath the surface I had feelings, I did feel pain and hurt but rather than live in the darkness I strived to see the positive in my life. Actually I wouldn’t change a thing, I’ve enjoyed having so many friends and life experiences that a grumpy old man wouldn’t have had the opportunity to enjoy.

At the same time I’ve been through the hell of my youngest daughter being killed by a dangerous driver, I’ve survived the breakdown of my first marriage to the mother of my children, my family returning to the UK, the continued struggle of my eldest daughter against severe Crohn’s disease, the valiant but unsuccessful fight of my second wife against cancer before her death and many other significant sources of pain throughout the years, these are the things that mature people have to deal with and I have but despite all of this I’m still considered by many as immature.

If I was stuck down this instant I’d die a happy man, I’ve lived a life beyond my dreams. I’ve been a very lucky man and that luck continues today now that I’m living with a fabulous woman. If this is the fate of an immature man then I’m happy to be that way!

That's my reality,

Jobsonian