Trembling knees

When the sales process for the New Zealand project was taking place we ran a week of workshops to as a proof of concept exercise. This involved producing several pages of their newspaper including advertising, photos, graphics and editorial, the volume of work was too much for one person and so I was assisted by a Belgian colleague who took care of the challenge of creating the advertising content.

We’d flown down to Nelson separately because I also had meetings with other newspapers the week before and the week after the proof of concept. It was Jan’s first trip outside of Europe and he was very excited to have crossed the equator. Jan arrived full of energy and positive determination to be successful in the mission he’d been given. The advertising departments of most newspapers tend to have a large percentage of female workers and it quickly became obvious that Jan’s “French/Belgian” English accent was a huge hit with the ladies.

At the Nelson Mail it was a kind of tradition that every Friday after  the papers presses had started rolling printed everyone would gravitate to a local pub that was situated next door to the building we were working.

When Friday came along we decided to join our new friends at the pub and it proved to be an interesting mix of young and old, I drifted towards the reporters and got involved in conversations about rugby, cricket, squash, music and the British Empire while Jan found himself surrounded by the young ladies he’d been working with. Since I was on expenses I put some money behind the bar and the consumption of adult beverages increased dramatically. This was my 3^rd visit to the newspaper and I’d become quite friendly with a lot of the guys, I ordered some bar snacks and the evening was starting to become memorable. Each time I looked over in Jan’s direction he appeared to be having a great time holding court with his admirers.

The pub toilet facilities were quite limited, just two mixed individual restrooms. As the evening progressed a line formed as people waited to avail themselves of the facilities. As usual once I’d broken my “seal” I had to stand in line a few times myself. Around about 22:00 the owner of the bar told me that the money had run out and it was time for people to start leaving, in his professional opinion continuing to drink would lead to issues. The owner was an experienced guy, we became good friends once the project had started and I became a regular when I escaped the newspaper building for my afternoon latte and iced bun.

Just before I left the pub for my hotel one of the sports journalist bought me a drink to say thanks for a great evening. At the time I was quite touched by this gesture and I understood that a refusal would have been bad form.

We had to work on Saturday and I met the same sports journalist at the entrance to the newspaper building, he told me that he had a terrible hangover and his first reaction was to check his wallet to see how much he’d spent. He told me it felt like a really expensive hangover. He couldn’t believe it when he realized he’d only spent enough for one beer then he remembered that I’d put money behind the bar and instantly he felt better.

The MD (managing director) of the newspaper was a real character, an ex-rugby player, a hard man but fair and always enjoyed a joke or two. The FD (financial director) was about my age and we’d always enjoyed a few laughs when we’d been together. Jan and me had a meeting with the managing director and the financial director around 10:30 in the morning. I hadn’t seen Jan at breakfast, I’d even knocked on his room door to make certain he was fine but there was no answer, however he arrived at the newspaper in good time for the meeting. The four of us sat down and thrashed out a few details about the actual implementation and eventual go live on our equipment. Throughout the meeting the MD and FD would make comments about knee trembling, they say things like “that’s enough to make your knee’s tremble”, “just thinking about that makes my knee’s tremble”, “Jan, do you think we can do that without your knee’s trembling” and “my knees are trembling at the thought of that”.

While I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer it was obvious that they were enjoying their word play. When I wasn’t involved in the conversation I tried to work out what was going on, in my terminology a “knee trembler” was having sex standing up but I didn’t know if this was also a Kiwi saying. Eventually the meeting ended and Jan left the room, I kind of hung back and asked the two guys what was going on. They told me that Jan had enjoyed a good old knee tremble at the bar last night.

I laughed even though I couldn’t believe it, then the two jokers told me that one of the toilets was occupied for a long time and that Jan and a girl had been seen entering the facility together. As the demand for the toilets increased several people had knocked on the occupied door, it was then that the ever gallant Belgium tried to save the reputation of the girl and decided to climb out of the toilet window. Unfortunately the cook was outside having a smoke and he witnessed Jan’s escape and consequently rejoining the throng inside the bar as if nothing had happened.

The cook told his brother who worked at the newspaper, the brother told his mates at the newspaper and eventually both the MD and FD learned the story. In the newspaper business news spreads like wild fire! The trembling knees comments were used continuously throughout our stay, eventually Jan asked me what was the “knee trembling” all about, I smiled and told him about it meaning having sex standing up. He asked why it would be mentioned all the time and I said “you were spotted climbing out of the pub toilet window”. Blood drained from his face and then he said “but my knee’s didn’t tremble” and we burst out laughing.

That’s my reality,

Jobsonian